Perspectives on the Task of Being a Father:

On this father’s Day, many of us are second-guessing ourselves. Wondering if we are doing it right; debating within if the old time religion and our fathers were right or if we should defer to the new-age ‘wisdom of sociologist, psychologist and so many other professions that tell us very strange things about the psychology of our children. With all due respect, and nothing against practitioners of these professions, may I submit that the majority of what is being spewed out there is nothing but errant nonsense to create more jobs and financial opportunities for themselves. We have all read the stories and psychoanalysis of why Michael Jackson and other child stars went astray in their later years “because their father spanked them”. Really?. A dad instills principles and work ethics on a child that helps them to rise above their peers and develop their potentials early. They become a phenomenon and hugely successful and then the wealth and fame corrupts their mind, and they lose themselves in the glory and accolades of mere mortals and derail; they overindulge in the good life, the good things of this earth and in drugs, and experiment the limits and soon they fall like a pack of cards.

Why does the father get the blame for his downfall, but never his rise to fame and fortune you ask?. I am still waiting for an answer too. The other question is why anyone thinks they can predict or understand with certainty how anyone would act in any set of circumstances. The only check on anyone’s behavior given the opportunities is your character and set of values. Show me a man without set values and I will show you a disaster waiting to happen. Show me a man who is not accountable to anyone and there’s your whirlwind ready to embrace any and all ideas, good or bad. A man who is grounded in his faith and believes in a higher being checks himself. As Christians, we are guided by our belief that we are ultimately accountable to God for how we live our lives. We are guarded by set Biblical principles for everyday life and living to treat others as we wish to be treated and that we are all of God’s children. So, this father’s day I wanted to cheer us on. There is no way to measure our success or failures but be assured that there are listening and watching. Our children are molded by our character and set of values. They hear you and at other times, they see what you did and how you reacted under pressure or a given set of circumstances.

I have not advocated spanking here but I do not rule it out as a tool for discipline. A parent must weigh the circumstances. A good rule of thumb is never to spank a child unless they are physically aggressive or hurtful to their sibling. Most other character issues can be dealt with by talking it through and other sets of punishments and or rewards. It is always a balancing act between the carrot and the stick. As they get older, employ other tools. I have found out that my kids at ages 6, 9 and eleven enjoy the responsibility of self-policing … “if one person cries, then everyone cries”. You will be surprised how they make peace among themselves and resolve their disagreements without running to you. Ultimately discipline must be fair and relative. The Bible enjoins us in Ephesians 6:4,” Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord”. Even kids will revolt if your reaction or punishment is unwarranted, is out of anger and over the top relative to the error. There used to be times when as a kid I thought I have done it and I am in real trouble but my Dad completely ignores me. One day I remember stupidly asking him why I did not get disciplined for bad behavior. His response surprised me. He said he saw I had already disciplined myself by my remorse and recluse. When a child clearly show they understand the error of their ways is the time for an embrace and a pep talk about character and responsibility. “Accidents happen but be careful next time” was all I got when I broke my Dad’s favorite soup bowl. So, sometimes, we need to surprise our kids even with our love, understanding and our judgment as to where they are in their development and age. “Daddy, why did I get in trouble and Praise didn’t”, my son asked me last week. Because you are older and ought to know better. You should set a better example for your younger ones, I answered.

Yet, the best training for our children is ourselves, our lives and how we live it. Take them out to the prisons to appreciate that there are serious consequences when character flaws affect others in the larger society, visit hospitals, etc to teach them that overindulgence has it’s ‘unrewards’ and volunteer at shelters or helping the less privileged. They will learn to appreciate what they have and most importantly study the Bible with them so they understand that true happiness and satisfaction comes from God, from within us and not the acquisition of material things. Know that you are doing your best and that is all that is required. God will mold them if we do our path. When in doubt, go to God in prayers. Being a Christian father is a balancing act and sometimes we wonder. At those times, stop and be comforted by the word of God … Hebrews 12:11 “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” Happy Father’s Day!.

Charles Abiahu Esq.

The Wisdom of Solomon for Itu Ezinihitte, Mbaise

The Wisdom of Solomon for Itu … By Charles AbiahuEsq.

Most of us are familiar with that great story in the good Book. According to the Bible the mother who had the dead child told the King … “Split the living Baby in Half”. But the true mother said to the King, let her have him. She was unwilling to have her child killed to win the argument. What I witnessed in Itu, our beloved Community this Christmas holiday made me cry.  It will never be well for anyone who for personal pride or other reason refuses for progress to come to Itu. I took the opportunity of my travel to conduct a personal fact-finding mission of why Itu remains on this unending circle of confusion and lack of leadership. I consulted across a broad faction of elders, and Community leaders. Yes, I heard so many things about Comrade Adindu, but not even his fiercest critics could give me a single cultural factor that disqualifies him from becoming a Crowned King of Itu. Don’t get me wrong, this piece is not about Adindu nor am I slightly suggesting that we run out and crown Adindu King tomorrow, but for all the scheming and vehement opposition mounted by those opposed to his candidacy, you would expect them to tell me or anyone for that matter that Adindu is a thief, a murderer or other reasons based on our customs and cultural values that disqualifies the man. I have been called many things in Mbaise USA administration when I served as National Secretary by people who could not have their way to impede progress. The last time I stood my ground and made sure that Itu hosted the Mbaise USA Medical Mission on merit as the Local Government Headquarters, a few people branded me as arrogant. So, when I hear that Adindu is arrogant, I ask myself … “when did good manners become a criterion for leadership” and in my experiences, people will frame you to be arrogant just because you are bold enough to stand up for what is right or what you believe in.

But this piece is not about Adindu, or the Ezeship contest in Itu. It is about this impasse in our community. Since the death of our beloved Eze Dimgba, we have all watched in amazement the blindfold on all of us by people we trusted into power to move our Community forward.  How is it that the electoral Committee failed so woefully, how is it that there has not been accounting for stewardship and it seems apparent that Committee wants to serve for life. Itu has highly educated and intelligent people who are eminently qualified to even lead the Country or other large organization. What a shame that these talents are being wasted in keeping our hometown down instead of ideas for progress. This peace is about my challenge to every honest Itu son and daughter to stand up and say, Enough!. Enough of these seeds of discord, enough of this lack of progress, enough of the ‘Pride and Prejudice’ that is not productive for our Community and our Posterity. This New Year it seemed that progress has come to Itu when Leo Ihedinma and his Executives were elected to pilot affairs for Itu. A lot of young people were elated and threw in their support. Leo has served honorably as a staff of the World Bank and used his offices to attract projects to Itu. Why would some people not want to give such a man the chance to at least try to move Itu forward? No, they want to crucify him even before he gets a chance to carry out any initiative. It seems that these enemies of progress for Itu will stop at nothing because they rallied themselves next day to inaugurate a “Caretaker Committee” for Itu. This is the same group that has managed Itu with nothing to show for it all these years. But my disdain that this few loud minority that has hamstrung Itu for years is turning to anger. Itu will not condone anyone that sets the agenda that they will spoil anything and everything for all of us unless they get their wishes. It is time for Itu youths to know who the real enemies are and stand up to them. Here is how you know the mother that screams for the baby to be cut in half … When this so-called caretaker Committee went and told a progressive Itu youth who was so elated that Itu finally elected a Town Council led by Leo Ihedinma to cancel his pledge to put a borehole in Itu they have become enemies of our town. When this click of people who have not brought progress in Itu after years of exploiting their offices and positions justifies their setting up an opposition against the elected Officials by claiming the election was not fair and instead of working to correct that or petition the election Committee they expose their true agenda. How is handpicking a caretaker Committee, a process, unknown to our Constitution, a process conducted in secret and imposed on Itu the answer to any so-called irregularity in an open ballot election. When a Caretaker Committee, not elected by us has the guts to go and break the Keys to the Itu Town Hall because Itu People gave Mr. Ihedinma and his Officers the Keys after a duly announced agenda and election, they have insulted all of us; When the self acclaimed Caretakers reported to Ezinihitte Development Council to stop the Officers from conducting the affairs of Itu, but instead, the Development Council comes to Itu and after a thorough fact finding gave a Certificate of recognition to Leo Ihedinma and his Executives, it tells us who wants to throw away the Baby with the bath water. Yet this recognition was not enough to pacify them. This Caretakers are now poking us all in the eye by using the police to disrupt a town Council Meeting scheduled to discuss the path forward for Itu.

I will no longer stand idly by. This nonsense needs to stop now. I want the best for Itu. Let us give this elected Council a chance. There is no perfect election anywhere in the world. But progress comes when people swallow their pride and let their Community or Country go forward. Itu youths will no longer stand on the sidelines and watch a few people continue to hold us down. We stand with Leo Ihedinma and his Officers who are a clear representation of every part of our Community to hold us together. Our most pressing need now is peace and Unity. We need progress.. Since I worked with Hon. Ebere Nwogu to bring the last medical Mission to Itu, it has not come to Itu again because I lost interest because of the lack of leadership in our town. Other Communities have continued to take the slot. I can pressure Mbaise USA again and bring the Doctors and Nurses to Itu this year but I need a government on the ground to laise and work with them when they come to Itu. This impasse is costing Itu dearly. Everyone benefits in our town when we bring in development or projects. There are other notable Itu sons and daughters that are in positions to attract development to Itu, but we need a consistent leadership at home to coordinate with. A word is Enough for the wise.